How to Get Out of Roommate Phase of Marriage

How to Get Out of the Roommate Phase of Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful bond between two individuals, but like any relationship, it can go through different phases. One of the most common phases couples experience is the roommate phase, where the spark and romance seem to have faded away, and the relationship feels more like a friendship or cohabitation. However, it’s important to recognize this phase and take steps to rekindle the love and passion in your marriage. Here are some tips on how to get out of the roommate phase of marriage and reignite the flame.

1. Communicate openly: The first step to getting out of the roommate phase is to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Share your feelings and concerns, and listen to their perspective as well. Communication is the key to understanding each other’s needs and finding ways to meet them.

2. Prioritize quality time together: In the busy hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to get caught up in work, household chores, and other responsibilities. However, it’s crucial to make time for each other. Plan regular date nights, weekend getaways, or even simple activities like cooking together or watching a movie. Quality time spent together will help you reconnect on a deeper level.

3. Rediscover shared interests: Often, couples enter the roommate phase because they have drifted apart in terms of interests and hobbies. Take the time to discover shared activities that you both enjoy. It could be something as simple as taking a walk, playing a sport, or exploring a new hobby together. Finding common ground will help you bond and create new memories.

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4. Show affection: Physical intimacy plays a vital role in any romantic relationship. Make an effort to show affection towards your spouse. Simple gestures like holding hands, hugging, or kissing can make a significant difference in rekindling the romance. Remember to express your love and appreciation verbally as well.

5. Spice things up: Routine can sometimes become monotonous, leading to the roommate phase. Break the cycle by trying new things in and out of the bedroom. Surprise your partner with a romantic gesture, plan a weekend getaway, or explore new ways to keep the passion alive. Introducing change will bring excitement back into your relationship.

6. Seek professional help if needed: Sometimes, getting out of the roommate phase requires professional assistance. Consider seeking couples therapy or marriage counseling. A trained therapist can help you identify underlying issues, improve communication, and provide guidance on how to reignite the spark in your marriage.

7. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is as important as nurturing your relationship. When you feel good about yourself, it positively impacts your marriage. Engage in activities that make you happy, invest in self-improvement, and prioritize your well-being. By focusing on yourself, you’ll bring a renewed energy and positivity into your relationship.


1. How long does the roommate phase typically last?
The duration of the roommate phase varies from couple to couple. It can last for a few months to several years. The key is to recognize the signs and take action to address the issue.

2. Is the roommate phase a sign of a failing marriage?
Not necessarily. The roommate phase is a common phase that many couples go through. It’s an opportunity to reassess your relationship and make the necessary changes to reignite the romance.

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3. Can we get out of the roommate phase without seeking professional help?
Yes, it is possible to get out of the roommate phase without professional help. However, if you’re struggling to make progress or if there are deeper issues at play, seeking professional guidance can be beneficial.

4. What if my partner is not interested in getting out of the roommate phase?
It’s important to have an open conversation with your partner about your desires and concerns. If your partner is not initially interested, try to understand their perspective and gently encourage them to work on the relationship together.

5. Will getting out of the roommate phase solve all our problems?
While getting out of the roommate phase is a significant step towards improving your marriage, it may not solve all your problems. It’s important to continue working on your relationship and addressing any other issues that may arise.

6. Are there any books or resources that can help us?
Yes, there are several books and resources available that can provide guidance on getting out of the roommate phase and improving your marriage. Some popular titles include “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson.

7. How long does it take to get out of the roommate phase?
The duration of getting out of the roommate phase varies for every couple. It depends on factors such as the level of commitment, effort, and communication put into the relationship. With dedication and persistence, you can gradually transition out of this phase and rebuild the romance in your marriage.

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In conclusion, the roommate phase is a common phase in many marriages, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. By communicating openly, prioritizing quality time, rediscovering shared interests, showing affection, spicing things up, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help if needed, you can reignite the flame and get out of the roommate phase. Remember, every relationship requires effort, but with dedication and commitment, you can create a fulfilling and passionate marriage.